Serrious Problems

Hey!

It's been a few days.... it's been really hectic at work. Luckily for you guys, I have a whole new collection of crazies to add to the site!

Look at an email from this numbskull:

Dear [eBay seller],

look here asshole, you have plenty... you will fucking accept selling 2 of them 2 me for 99.00 each, or i'll have your goddamn green card, do you fucking understand? I hold your future in my hands because I pay taxes unlike you, fucking camel jockey. I ought to make you fucking GIVE me the phones because of that... 25.00 wont kill you, fucker. that's your only option. you WILL accept the price i offered, no more. do you understand english?

- [dumbass customer]

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[if you didn't catch it, the title of this post was misspelled on purpose :P]

We're selling the phones for $150 each on eBay.

Seriously? After getting an email like this, what seller WOULDN'T want to accept this awesome offer? We should be HONORED; no, PRIVILEGED to serve such an upstanding pillar of the community.

We ignored this crazy ass customer... and thought that was the end of it.

Umm, nope.

***************

Dear [eBay Seller],

so have you come to a conclusion? you gonna FUCKING give me the blackberries? my final offer is 25.00 a piece, and i expect it to be accepted. if not, you're gonna have some serrious goddamn problems.... you fucking understand me? im tired of you fucking sand niggers trying to run my country, thanks to you, tobacco prices are up as well as shitty car lots.... you fucking owe me... you got that? actualy, i expect 2 free blackberries, one red and one silver. email me and ill give you my shipping address... and no fucking letter bombs or anthrax, camel jockey...

***************

What I wish I could say:

Dear asshole:

Not only am I not accepting your offer (again), I've reported your sorry ass to eBay. I hear they don't take kindly to such behavior from people, and perhaps that's for the best. Sand nigger? Really? Well, I guess you're kind of close, as the bsuiness is owned by Jews.... but what is one nationality, race or another to an ignorant redneck like you? In regards to understanding English (please note the capitalization there!) I seem to have a better grasp of it than you do----and guess what? I'm a Black Hispanic woman! You must be floored by the news huh? I have to wonder what the Middle East has to do with tobacco and used car lots? I'm genuinely stumped by that. Don't tell me: it's a new terrorist plot! They'll open up used car lots and burn tobacco fields---that'll show those evil Americans! *eye roll*

Since we're spitting out slurs and stereotypes, why don't you go back to fucking your sister and drinking moonshine in your trailer? Perhaps the internet really isn't the best place for you after all. I would go back to shooting deer or possums for sport.

It's people like you that give America a bad name. It makes me ashamed to be a  citizen of this country, to think that you and I have the same rights! What justice is there in this world??

But I digress.

You're lucky I don't put your sorry ass on blast here (i.e your eBay username).

You're despicable, deplorable, and just plain dumb.

Have a nice life, asshole.