I Know You're Not Open, But...

Subject:     Fw: Order [removed] shipped    

Good morning, Customer Service,

I realize this is only Monday at 12:32 a.m. for you on the east coast, but it seems like forever to me since I received a non-working cell phone.  When I speak into it, the only thing the person on the other end of the call hears is me speaking in a ghastly whisper.  Otherwise the cell phone looks beautiful, dials perfectly--but I cannot be heard!

I look forward to you response.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
[name removed]

*******

*headdesk*

(well, at least the person used interesting adjectives?)