Mother Fucker...Scum Bag!

Dear [ebay Seller]

you ripped me off mother fucker...scum bag

-[removed]

 *****************

LOL What can I say? He's a man of few (and very strong) words.

Happy Friday y'all.

Warning! Learning Curve: Slippery When Dumb

To Whom It May Concern,

I placed an order for one Motorola Backflip on January 27th. I received the device on February 4th and after a few days have decided this is not the product I originally believed it to be. While the handset is one of high quality, it exceeds my expectations and causes more grief and confusion than anything else. I simply cannot grasp the learning curve associated with this device and wish to return it. There is nothing wrong with the device and considering the time span of which I've possessed it, I see no reason why it can't be returned. Thus I'm emailing you folks so that I can receive a Return Authorization (RA) Form and send this device back to you.

************************

I was ROFL when I read this one. What I wonder is this: what did she "originally believe it to be"? An iPhone? A RAZR? What?

I bought a vibrator, and it wasn't what i originally believed it to be, but I made the most of it *rimshot*

This phone isn't ridiculously hard to use... it's pretty intuitive actually. Hell, my mom has a G1, and she learned to use it within a week or two. People are lazy and don't *want* to learn.

She can return it for a refund -20% *shrugs*

DEFINATELY Discouraging

Subject: defective pantecp7000

I WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE AWARE OF TJHIS PIECE OF ---- PHONE THAT I ORDERED IN AUGUST.  I SHOULD HAVE RETURNED IT A.S.A.P. WHEN I BEGAN HAVING PROBLEMS. I AM NOW SEEING A N ON SCREEN NOTICE TO INSERT SIM CARD( THERE IS A SIM CARD ALREADY INSERTED) I ASKED REP.@AT&T TO CHECK IT OUT AND WAS TOLD THE PHONE WAS DEFECTIVE.  I ALSO WANTED TO MENTION THAT AT&T OFFERS THESE PHONE FOR ONLY $99. WITHOUT A 2 YEAR CONTRACT. SO I GOT TOOK FOR MY MONEY.  NEVER AGAIN AND I WILL DEFINATELY DISCOURAGE OTHERS TO ORDER FROM [company name removed]


**************

Wow... where do I start with this one?


The raging caps and glaring spelling errors aside... you wait almost 6 months to contact us about your defective item?!?


Too bad, so sad.

Furthermore (re: price of item), it's not our problem you didn't shop around before buying... but I don't recall seeing this item on the AT&T site anywhere. This model is like almost three years old now. They barely have phones from '09 still.

Just saying.

Now What?

***********************************           
Subject:     unworking phone

i couldnt get through to you on the phone...no answer, kept on hold, the red verizon phone i ordered and received has a black screen and doesnt work!! certainly wont recommend you or your product to anyone, now what?

***********************************        

As I was answering this email, the customer calls.

She's pissy and angry... so I put her on hold (for one, I was making a label, and also... I wanted to annoy her a little bit. Nothing but Class-A service here! hehe). After listening to her yammer for 3 minutes straight, she mentioned that she just got the item yesterday and when they took it out the box it wouldn't turn on.

Hmm.

Me: Did you charge the phone once received?
Customer: [silence for 10 seconds] Well---I, uh, wasn't home when it came in. I opened it and tried to turn it on and--and the screen is blank. my granddaughter... uh, she... [silence]
Me: Ma'am, you need to charge the item before use. Sometimes the batteries aren't charged when we ship them, so it's always a good idea to charge your phone once received.
Customer: Oh. OK. I didn't know that. I'll go and charge it right away!
Me:...have a nice day ma'am.

Throuugh Your Own BS in There

Happy new years folks!

I'm so sorry about the lack of posting. The holiday season came and whoosh! I was busy as a bee!

Then I got lazy.

No worries! I now have enough emails to post for at least a month straight! *yayyyyy*

Alright, enough chit-chat! You came to read about those Crazy Ass Customers, right?

[Please note that nothing was changed in this email. All grammar, syntax, and spelling are in its original form. Like I'd change such a gem!]

***************************************

Subject: samsung

u sent me the omnia with old software, verizon wont upgrade it, and i takes over an hour on there slow network, witch i keep loosing connection. i got screwed again. products should only be shipped with the newest software . not sure how i will proseed, looking in to att. really getting tired of all the bs on a phone. bill gate, verizon, and samsung. shit u should throuugh your own bs in there.  any thing for a buck. kurt

****************************************

(For once) this wasn't our fault. We don't update the software, we just sell the crappy phones. Tough shit for you, buddy. Although I *did* think him lumping us in with Bill gates and Verizon pretty funny, this was just...no. NO.

I'm all for ranting and raving, but here are a few pointers for you, dear:

1. Use your spell check: It's your friend! At the very least it will help make you a little bit more understandable... at least spelling-wise. Just saying.
2. Do your research #1: If you're gonna reference famous people, get their names right. Oh, and proper nouns are ALWAYS capitalized.
3. Do your research #2: If you're busying a used/refurbished phone, you should make sure to Google it. Find out more information about it; such as if there is a current software release, will your carrier update it for you/can you update it yourself, what data plans (if applicable) are needed...etc. These kinds of issues account for almost HALF of my daily phone calls.

Hope you all learned something from these tips :)

I Order Oral Unlocked Cell Phone...

Here's a doozy for your Friday enjoyment:

*****

Subject: (no subject)

I order new v550 mot oral unlocked cell phone on6/14/10. paid 49.85 s&h 9.99 total 59.84
can't get the phone download e-mail o live gprs is not connected. The charger will not work. Plug in  something green light up states unable to charge. Only thing I can do with this phone is call and that not I paided 59..84 to do.

 thanks in advance

****
[original spelling and syntax intact... O__o]

...after the initial laughin fit, I attempted to find this customer. They put no name, no order number, and I couldn;t find their email address in my system. I emailed them back asking for this information, and have not heard back *shrugs*

No skin off my nose... one less return for me to process I guess.

The lesson folks?? No order information + bad English= FAIL

Have a good weekend!! :D

What an Awesome Boss!

Dear [eBay seller] ,

Received charger and the battery. Thanks.

I need to get an RMA for two phones. These were charged with multiple chargers and the batteries were changed out of both phones. They both will charge intermittently regardless of the charger and battery used. Even if they show a full charge, they will both die within three hours of disconnection from the charger with no usage at all. I am sure that you checked your phones for proper operation as they will operate for long enough to pass a quality check.

These were both issued to the same employee and he has annoyed me to the point that I thought about just laying him off so it would go away. Instead I took the phones and charged them myself with my charger and saw both of them 'die' within two hours of disconnection from the charger with no phone calls made. The real odd thing is the other two phones I issued have worked beautifully. Please give RMA and I will return for evaluation.

***********

Well, at least he was well spoken?

It's rare to get an intelligent customer who types well and isn't angry about a return that has to be made---for a multiple item return, even! There is a Return God, after all!! :D

Maybe he was joking about the employee... we should hope so. But in these tough times, I guess employers just need a damn excuse to fire people.... guess that makes me lucky, huh? //sarcasm

I'll Make an Offer I Might Refuse...

In our eBay store, we accept user-submitted offers for our phones. We mostly get reasonable offers (~$5 of the Buy it Now price). One time I got a $100 offer on a phone we were selling for $150. The customer calls us up.

Customer: I made an offer and I'd like to cancel it please?

Me: OK, no problem. Do you have the item number? [she gives me the number and I look up the item.] Oh, the phone is for $150, so we wouldn't have accepted that offer anyway.

Customer: Yeah? Well, the offer I made was too high... I wanted to put $10, but I typed an extra zero by mistake

Me: ....I see. Well, we only take up to $5 less than the asking price for our offers.

Customer: Then why bother to have the option to make an offer if tou won't accept mine??!?

Me:....

...yeah. The standard caliber of our customers, no surprise there right?

But we got this note in an offer recently I thought I might share:

Offer price: US $54.00 [The phone was for $74.99]

Message to seller: warning!!!!!!!!! I may decide I don't want this phone! Can you extend the time of when it delays? If I do decide I want one I may not have the money at that time but, I could get it soon.


Really?

Really?!??

If you don't have the money, don't bid. I understand shit happens (hell, I've personally had to retract offers on eBay 'cause I was broke) but stating up front that you might not have the money/want the phone? Even if they would have made a reasonable offer, we would have declined it based on the note alone.

What a dope.

Wont Refund? I'm Calling My Loyer!

Subject: Order [number removed] : refund

Sir,, if you guys wont refund my money then send me a cellphone that work with MMS
or my loyer will contact you directly. thank in Advance

******

I was ROFLMAO when I got this one.

This customer bought an unlocked phone. Unlocked phones (not being specific to a carrier) usually have to be programmed with internet and MMS (multimedia messaging service) settings, as those are not stored on the SIM when you switch phones.

The customer could have done this to find that out.

But I digress. How may emails have I ranted about the settings issue already??!??

I was more annoyed about the misspelling of 'lawyer' than I was about the settings issue...

The settings issue is old hat, after all.

Thank in advance! :P

You Guys Suck and, and---DIE!!!

Ever heard of ResellerRatings.com? If not, you should check it out. 

It's a site where you can rate different websites and comment on service, efficiency, etc.

Our averaged score: 7.89. 

Shocking really. 

I'll freely admit it, we sell shitty phones. I mean, not ALL of them are shitty, but our rate of returns is higher than 10%. 

Anywho, I get a notification whenever a customer posts a rating. I got this gem in this morning and thought I'd share:

"this company sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do not buy from here unless you want your purchase to be your new paperweight.  

My phone doesnt work that I bought. No reception, no signal.

How bout a refund?  Nope, they dont do refunds.  Only trades when you pay for the

shipping both ways.  I can almost buy another phone for the shipping costs.

This stupid company needs to be shut down and the owners SHOT!"

A little extreme, don't you think? Shit... I've been angry dealing with companies before, but I would never write such a thing about them. That shows your maturity/sanity level right there. If I was another customer reading that, it wouldn't deter me from buying from that company... I'd think it was an asshole disgruntled customer and still give the company a chance. 

This review didn't get posted successfully because the person didn't provide a valid order number [one thing about RR I like; they make sure it's a real customer and not some wanker trying to be an asshole] but I bet you dollars to donuts the fucker never:

1. tried to contact us. If they would have, they would have known that we accept returns within 30 days of purchase, which leads me to...
2. Read the damn website. We clearly state that we have a 30 day return policy AND we don't cover return postage to us in the event of a return.
3. Contacted their service provider. Most problems of the sort s/he said they were having are carrier issues that can be resolved without returning the phone.

I swear I'll never understand these Crazy ass customers....

Gone in 30 Minutes...

hello,

my name  is [Name removed]  i received my phone Wednesday 5-19-2010. i was very happy to see it in the mail box that soon. thank you!  when i opened the box i did not see any book to understand or explain  the phone to me, or any other papers to help me get started....i tried for about 30 minutes just to get it to come on, but was very unsuccessful in that area. so the happy is gone now .    is there some one that can help me in my frustration to get me happy with  my new investment.  please HELP me!!!!!!! my number is [number removed] on my old phone   thanks!  

[Name Removed]

************

Capitalization/punctuation was kept as is.

This customer ended up calling the next day after we got this email. As one might (accurately) predict, there was nothing wrong with the phone. He was pressing the End button to turn on the phone... this model had a dedicated power button...("these damn things... I get used to my other phone turning on this way I didn't think to check for another button!") I sent him a .pdf of the manual and he went on his way happily.

Old people and technology are so cute!! :P

If I Kiss Your Ass, Can I Return These Items?

Dear Customer Service,

Thank you so much for getting these phones to me so quickly.  You are awesome!!
Well done.

I on the other hand seem to have screwed up.  I did not read the fine print and
assumed that at the price shown that that I was purchasing just the phone.  Well I
made an ass out of myself.  IDtenT.
I inadvertently ordered 3 too many wall chargers for my phones.  Is there any
recourse, any way to return these?  This is totally my error; but $30 is almost
another phone!  Please advise me on what is the best thing to do.

Thank you for your excellent service and for your time and efforts on my behalf.

Take care,
[name removed]
"There is no right way to do a wrong thing"

*************************
That is exactly the way I got the email; the formatting is the same and everything.

Oookay, then.

In the listing for each phone, it clearly states that the phones come with (at minimum) the phone, charger, and battery. Most people who sell used phones sell them with these necessary accessories.

The common problem with my customers? They don't fucking READ. If this customer would have taken 30 seconds out of his time to just even SKIM the goddamn listing, he would have seen a bulleted list (in bold!) with what came with the phone.

At least he had the decency to be polite (and funny!)... aaaand a little ass kissing never hurts either :P

Apologetic Customer #1

Deena,

Thank you for talking to me, and I know I am getting on your nerves (I am sorry), I know you want me out of your hair.  I do appreciate your customer service.  Thak you and have a blessed day.

[Name removed]

***********
LOL this customer had been emailing every day since she returned her damn phone. I processed her return as soon as I came across it and even emailed her to let her know so she could leave me alone... and then I got this gem from her.

At least she knew she was being a pest and apologized for it :P

New Technology is a Killer...

Customer: I saw some of your phones on eBay I'd like to purchase.
Me: I'm sorry sir. You'll have to purchase the items through eBay.
Customer: Oh... I see. I can't purchase it over the phone with you?
Me: no sir, you have to pay for the items through eBay.
Customer: But I don't know any of the codes to get in!
Me:....
Customer: I guess I'll have to get one of my kids to do it for me. This new technology kills me!
Me:...Not a problem sir, have a good day.

***********

Old people and technology... always a disaster waiting to happen *smh*

How to Drive Customer's Crazy

In honor of Memorial Day [of course I'm working today :(], here's something that made me smile and giggle:

How to Drive a Customer Crazy

•     Pretend you haven’t noticed they are there.
•     Stay in first gear, especially when they are rushing.
•     Let them overhear your personal phone call, and make no attempt to end it.
•     Open late. Close early.
•     Say “That’s not our policy.”
•     Say “That’s not my job.”
•     Say “I’m not allowed to do that.”
•     Say “I have no idea.”
•     Say “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
•     Slouch. Chew Gum. Twirl your hair between your fingers.
•     Give them a blank stare, or worse, roll your eyes.
•     Fidget distractedly. Appear bored.
•     Finish whatever other task you have at hand, while they wait for you to attend to them.
•     Talk story with other employees. Laugh at an “inside joke” they are not privy to.
•     Speak in a monotone. See how long you can go without smiling.
•     Be late for their appointment or with their reservation.
•     Take shortcuts with your service, saying “you don’t really need this part do you?”
•     Make excuses.
•     Have a quick comeback for every point they may wish to make with you.
•     Offer mechanical, routine service that is so uneventful, so ordinary, that they expect to pull a number and listen for you to call out “Next!”
•     Look at them with open disapproval or impatience.
•     Speak so softly, or in such a rush, that they need to keep asking “What was that?”
•     Give them directions so involved or confusing they have to write them down.
•     Give them “scenic” directions that take them out of their way when they really wanted a shortcut.
•     Ignore the very young and very old in the group, talking only to the ones you assume are the “responsible ones” – or the paying ones.
•     Assume that all customers are the same, and you already know what they want.

...things I learned to do in retail :)

(excepted from: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/management/how-to-drive-a-customer-crazy.html)

Hope you non-working folks are having a good day :P

Even Criminals Need Cellphones...

I would like to buy one of your items listed for sell and was wondering if you would except a money order as my payment?let me explain I managed use bank that was under some kind of federal investigation for my annuity payments but I have gotten my annuity out of the bank and have not  another yet but I have perfect Ebay rating and am hoping you would be willing to except this form of payment form me since I have no other cards to use connected with my paypal account


*****************
This email had no subject, and no name, strangely...

Whatever the case was, this one was definitely shady. Like the title of the post says, even criminals need cellphones. We didn't answer him back though, 'cause I'll be damned if we're investigated because of this schmuck.

I didn't know whether to laugh at or feel sorry for this customer.... but then I shrugged and LMAO! Har. You can only imagine the Bleeding Heart Sally Struthers stories I've read over the years as to why we should either drastically reduce the price on phones, or arrange for shady payment methods.

They try so hard, they really do.

Burnin' Holes in Mah Pocket!

Dear [eBay Seller],

Hello! i just submitted an offer for this phone and i put together all the money i can for it so that i can send the money today. i know you are very busy so i appreciate your time and consideration very much!!! your reputation preceedes you already because i have been referred to you by your customers. anyways, there is no hurry to send it but i can pay right away as i have the money now. i am afraid that otherwise i may end up spending it on something else especially if it burns a hole in my jeans. anyways, if you accept the offer, i will pay today and it is for a RED one please. you will see the offer and will you accept a paypal payment now? you can send it the slowest and cheapest route too. or by horse and buggy works! THANK YOU again for your time and help! have a GREAT Weekend/Mother's Day/Cinco de Mayo etc! Take care! From a NY girl myself (White Plains...Brooklyn...LI; Stony Brook for some classes mostly, then CA???! Dont ask! Ha! I MISS HOME! Most Sincerely, [name removed]

- [crazy ass customer]

*************

...ooook, then. Talk about bad money management skills... and crazy, to boot. I for one am GLAD this customer has relocated, because she seems like the type to pop up here. We've had a few customers pop up here... hilarity ensues, I tell ya. Maybe another time I'll share that :P

Oh. The customer ended up buying the phone.... stay tuned, as I have a feeling we might hear back from her...

*I'm* Not One of THOSE Customers!

My company also sells phones on eBay.

I don't deal with the eBay portion of our company as much as I used to, so my coworker Elaine (who loves the blog!) kindly forwarded this to me.

********************

Dear [eBay Seller],

Im interested in purchasing one or two of your phones, I would like to know the condition of them please. Only due to the fact of reading some of the feedback. I know some ppl can be idiots. I would just llike to make sure of the quality. Thank you.

It's sad that a person can make this (misspelled) observation about the caliber of our customers before they even made a purchase...