I Order Oral Unlocked Cell Phone...

Here's a doozy for your Friday enjoyment:

*****

Subject: (no subject)

I order new v550 mot oral unlocked cell phone on6/14/10. paid 49.85 s&h 9.99 total 59.84
can't get the phone download e-mail o live gprs is not connected. The charger will not work. Plug in  something green light up states unable to charge. Only thing I can do with this phone is call and that not I paided 59..84 to do.

 thanks in advance

****
[original spelling and syntax intact... O__o]

...after the initial laughin fit, I attempted to find this customer. They put no name, no order number, and I couldn;t find their email address in my system. I emailed them back asking for this information, and have not heard back *shrugs*

No skin off my nose... one less return for me to process I guess.

The lesson folks?? No order information + bad English= FAIL

Have a good weekend!! :D

Overnight Shipping on Fridays Always Provide Entertainment...

Good afternoon!

I had a question regarding the Palm Centro your site offers capable for Verizon Wireless...

I wanted to know if I would have to update my Verizon plan to include Data. This isn't a problem, I just didn't know how that would work when I received the phone as far as updating went. Also, if I order the phone on Friday morning and pay for overnight shipping, will the phone definitely be at my house by Saturday evening
even though Saturday technically isn't a business day?

If someone could please respond to this today before I order tomorrow, that would be
much appreciated. Or, if it's easier, you can call me at the number provided below. Thanks so much for your time!

****

Well, he was well spoken, I'll give him that much credit.

But you answered your own fucking question.... NO NO NO. If Saturdays becomes a business day (Goddess forbid!!) then you'll get it on Saturday. Until then, Next Business Day (on a Friday) means MONDAY. Also, the listing states that Verizon will NOT activate the item without a data plan, so what do you think that means??? YES you'll have to upgrade to a data plan!!!!

OMGWTFBBQ FUCKING LEARN HOW TO READ COMPREHENSIVELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuckers.

Broken Record Much? Or, "Did You Even Read My Damn Reply??!??"

Subject: BB 9530

I purchased a Blackberry Storm 9530 from you was told it had a 1 year warrenty. I needed to talk to someone in regards to getting a replacement due to the phone jack not working..I can't use my ear peice while in the car. Can anyone help me.. My name is [name removed]... Thankyou...

*****

 Dear customer:

 We only offer a 30 day return policy. An extended warranty can be purchased from
SquareTrade, a third party company who sells warranties for our products.

 Thank you,

Customer Service

*****


Subject: RE: FEEDBACK: BB 9530

If you check your records I believe I had a extened warrenty for 2 years
in which i payed for..  Do you have the warrty info...

*****

Dear Customer:

If you purchased a warranty, you'll have to contact SquareTrade for assistance, as they are a third party company and we are not affiliated with them.

Thank you,

Customer Service

*****


Can you send me the membership ID number for the warranty that
I purchased thru your company so I can file a claim with the warrenty
company..  My name is [name and number removed]

*****

....there are no words.

How Rude! (Indeed...)

Subject: RE: New Coupon Codes!

I ORDERED A PHONE FROM YOU, BUT I DID NOT GET MY 5.00 DISCOUNT. PLEASE CHECK INTO THIS AND LET ME KNOW WHY. [name and address removed]

*****

Dear customer:

If you had a promotional code, you were supposed to use it while placing the order. It does not come off automatically.

Thank you,

Customer Service

*****

Subject: RE: New Coupon Codes!

HOW RUDE. Dont you think I tried that? It wouldnt work for me, thats why I emailed you so that you could deduct the five dollars there where you take my money. You sent me an email with the discounts and offers, yet when I tried to apply this to my purchase it would not work. This was the second phone I had bought from you, however it will now be my last. If this is how you treat your customers, I will not buy from you again.

*******

I checked her order, and she ended up buying a phone that was less than $50 (you have to but a phone for at least $50 for the coupon code to have worked, you see...), which is why the code didn't work.  And yes, the insert and email clearly states the price limitation. But do these customers ever fucking read? *ahem*

I need your opinion, dear readers.... was I being rude?? I don't think I was being rude, but I may be mistaken.... ok, maybe I was a little bit abrasive. 

I am just tired of these dumb ass questions... the coupon codes are always a pain in the ass---especially when we have special promotions. There's a dark grey bar in the shopping cart of the site. Most people see it and it's no problem... but you know there always has to be some dumbasses to not see it and make my life a living hell. For goddess' sake, our "add to cart" is a big, bright green button in every listing and without fail (at least once a day!!) I get an email or phone call asking if an item is in stock because they don;t see how to add it to their cart!!!

I need a vacation.

I Want ALL Me Money Back!!

Yes, it's been awhile... not to worry, I have been saving up stuff for the site! I have some dowtime at work right now, so I can post more often (yayyyy!)

For today's gem: a two hour email volley!

**************


Subject: Order shipped

HI I ordered a cell phone almost 2 weeks ago. I still haven't recieved my phone, it says it is in New York again, and I am in Chicago.  I tracked it and it was at post office in chicago a few days ago, I just want to know whats going on if i dont get my phone in a few days i  want a refund!!!!!!!!!!! Im very pissed off and I will not tell anyone to get phones from you guys!

*****

Dear customer:

According to the tracking information, USPS had a problem with your address, so the item is being mailed back to us. Once we receive it, we will issue a refund.

Thank you,

Customer Service


*****

Subject: Re: Order shipped

Cant you just resend it to me? My address again is 1930 w 183rd st Unit 2 Homewood IL 60430.   What was the problem with my address?

*****

Dear customer:

We are not certain; that's the information USPS said about the tracking number. We'll know more once we receive the package back.

If you want it reshipped, there is a fee for this, as we sent it to the address as you confirmed.

Thank you,

Customer Service

*****

Subject: Re: Order shipped

That is bullshit no i dont want you to send me the phone im not paying for anything else i want my money back and im calling the Better Business Bureau  and reporting this!!! I think this is a scam, i better get ALL me money back get rid of all my information!!! I knew i shouldn't have trusted you guys enough to send you money!!! I am very pissed off and i am going to write things all over the Internet and tell people how you guys are just a big scam!!!!!! Oh and I get things sent to my house from the internet all the time so there is nothing wrong with my address i think that is part of your scam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You will be receiving emails from me untill i get ALL my money back!!!!!!!!! And ill be calling!!!! 

***************

The customer called (of course!) shortly thereafter... turns out she transposed the numbers in her street address.... luckily for her it wasn't an address that existed and they sent it back to us. She ended up paying the re-ship fee and I haven't heard from her since *whew*

What an Awesome Boss!

Dear [eBay seller] ,

Received charger and the battery. Thanks.

I need to get an RMA for two phones. These were charged with multiple chargers and the batteries were changed out of both phones. They both will charge intermittently regardless of the charger and battery used. Even if they show a full charge, they will both die within three hours of disconnection from the charger with no usage at all. I am sure that you checked your phones for proper operation as they will operate for long enough to pass a quality check.

These were both issued to the same employee and he has annoyed me to the point that I thought about just laying him off so it would go away. Instead I took the phones and charged them myself with my charger and saw both of them 'die' within two hours of disconnection from the charger with no phone calls made. The real odd thing is the other two phones I issued have worked beautifully. Please give RMA and I will return for evaluation.

***********

Well, at least he was well spoken?

It's rare to get an intelligent customer who types well and isn't angry about a return that has to be made---for a multiple item return, even! There is a Return God, after all!! :D

Maybe he was joking about the employee... we should hope so. But in these tough times, I guess employers just need a damn excuse to fire people.... guess that makes me lucky, huh? //sarcasm

I'll Make an Offer I Might Refuse...

In our eBay store, we accept user-submitted offers for our phones. We mostly get reasonable offers (~$5 of the Buy it Now price). One time I got a $100 offer on a phone we were selling for $150. The customer calls us up.

Customer: I made an offer and I'd like to cancel it please?

Me: OK, no problem. Do you have the item number? [she gives me the number and I look up the item.] Oh, the phone is for $150, so we wouldn't have accepted that offer anyway.

Customer: Yeah? Well, the offer I made was too high... I wanted to put $10, but I typed an extra zero by mistake

Me: ....I see. Well, we only take up to $5 less than the asking price for our offers.

Customer: Then why bother to have the option to make an offer if tou won't accept mine??!?

Me:....

...yeah. The standard caliber of our customers, no surprise there right?

But we got this note in an offer recently I thought I might share:

Offer price: US $54.00 [The phone was for $74.99]

Message to seller: warning!!!!!!!!! I may decide I don't want this phone! Can you extend the time of when it delays? If I do decide I want one I may not have the money at that time but, I could get it soon.


Really?

Really?!??

If you don't have the money, don't bid. I understand shit happens (hell, I've personally had to retract offers on eBay 'cause I was broke) but stating up front that you might not have the money/want the phone? Even if they would have made a reasonable offer, we would have declined it based on the note alone.

What a dope.

Wont Refund? I'm Calling My Loyer!

Subject: Order [number removed] : refund

Sir,, if you guys wont refund my money then send me a cellphone that work with MMS
or my loyer will contact you directly. thank in Advance

******

I was ROFLMAO when I got this one.

This customer bought an unlocked phone. Unlocked phones (not being specific to a carrier) usually have to be programmed with internet and MMS (multimedia messaging service) settings, as those are not stored on the SIM when you switch phones.

The customer could have done this to find that out.

But I digress. How may emails have I ranted about the settings issue already??!??

I was more annoyed about the misspelling of 'lawyer' than I was about the settings issue...

The settings issue is old hat, after all.

Thank in advance! :P

Halp! or, "I Should Go to the Vet Instead"

In the 2+ years I've been working at my company, I've heard all sorts of excuses as to why people are buying a used/refurbed phone from us.

• Fell in the pool/toilet/other water accidents. This seems to be the top category, especially in the summer. I've heard old men speak of rocky boats on fishing trips, new mothers and baby baths and (of course) being drunkenly thrown into pools with all of their clothes on (I've heard that twice!)
• Children. #2 reason.... sometimes involved with the above reason too. Children are so destructive! They lose/break their cell phones and expect mommy and daddy to produce a new one like yesterday 'cause they would die without being able to text and keep up with whatever young people do (quote from a customer). 
• Theft. A lot of people have their phones stolen; I had one customer claim her phone was stolen by a security guard at a mall (?!?), plenty from lockers at work and school, and some car break-ins. 

But here's a new one (for me, at least):

Subject: no new contract, replace phone, How?

dog ate phone. need a phone that works with existing contract. What do I have to do?

....

My first thought: why are you worrying about a new phone when you should be at the vet getting the phone out of the dog??!?? The battery could explode in his poor tummy...

I really hope this customer was lying.

Umm No, That's Not Us #1

Every once in a while (for whatever reason), we get emails and phone calls from people who think we're phone companies... I usually get Sprint or Verizon. It never fails to irk me... how dumb can you be that you cannot see the webpage you got the number from doesn't say whatever phone service you're looking for? Furthermore, don't you have your company's number?? Most companies give you a shortened number you can call for free from your handset (e.g T-mob's is 611) or you can get their toll-free number from your bill.

With this in mind, here is the first in a series:


Subject: urgent
To whom  it may concern  dear  t mobile  people  my phone# is XXX-XXX-XXXX give me
reason why my service been cut off [STUPID CUSTOMER]

Really?

Now, if your service is cut off, I can sort of understand why you might try to email. BUT keeping in mind that you can call your carrier for free whether or not your service is active undermines that.

Einstein was right... there really is no overestimating human stupidity.