Halp! or, "I Should Go to the Vet Instead"

In the 2+ years I've been working at my company, I've heard all sorts of excuses as to why people are buying a used/refurbed phone from us.

• Fell in the pool/toilet/other water accidents. This seems to be the top category, especially in the summer. I've heard old men speak of rocky boats on fishing trips, new mothers and baby baths and (of course) being drunkenly thrown into pools with all of their clothes on (I've heard that twice!)
• Children. #2 reason.... sometimes involved with the above reason too. Children are so destructive! They lose/break their cell phones and expect mommy and daddy to produce a new one like yesterday 'cause they would die without being able to text and keep up with whatever young people do (quote from a customer). 
• Theft. A lot of people have their phones stolen; I had one customer claim her phone was stolen by a security guard at a mall (?!?), plenty from lockers at work and school, and some car break-ins. 

But here's a new one (for me, at least):

Subject: no new contract, replace phone, How?

dog ate phone. need a phone that works with existing contract. What do I have to do?

....

My first thought: why are you worrying about a new phone when you should be at the vet getting the phone out of the dog??!?? The battery could explode in his poor tummy...

I really hope this customer was lying.