What an Awesome Boss!

Dear [eBay seller] ,

Received charger and the battery. Thanks.

I need to get an RMA for two phones. These were charged with multiple chargers and the batteries were changed out of both phones. They both will charge intermittently regardless of the charger and battery used. Even if they show a full charge, they will both die within three hours of disconnection from the charger with no usage at all. I am sure that you checked your phones for proper operation as they will operate for long enough to pass a quality check.

These were both issued to the same employee and he has annoyed me to the point that I thought about just laying him off so it would go away. Instead I took the phones and charged them myself with my charger and saw both of them 'die' within two hours of disconnection from the charger with no phone calls made. The real odd thing is the other two phones I issued have worked beautifully. Please give RMA and I will return for evaluation.

***********

Well, at least he was well spoken?

It's rare to get an intelligent customer who types well and isn't angry about a return that has to be made---for a multiple item return, even! There is a Return God, after all!! :D

Maybe he was joking about the employee... we should hope so. But in these tough times, I guess employers just need a damn excuse to fire people.... guess that makes me lucky, huh? //sarcasm

I'll Make an Offer I Might Refuse...

In our eBay store, we accept user-submitted offers for our phones. We mostly get reasonable offers (~$5 of the Buy it Now price). One time I got a $100 offer on a phone we were selling for $150. The customer calls us up.

Customer: I made an offer and I'd like to cancel it please?

Me: OK, no problem. Do you have the item number? [she gives me the number and I look up the item.] Oh, the phone is for $150, so we wouldn't have accepted that offer anyway.

Customer: Yeah? Well, the offer I made was too high... I wanted to put $10, but I typed an extra zero by mistake

Me: ....I see. Well, we only take up to $5 less than the asking price for our offers.

Customer: Then why bother to have the option to make an offer if tou won't accept mine??!?

Me:....

...yeah. The standard caliber of our customers, no surprise there right?

But we got this note in an offer recently I thought I might share:

Offer price: US $54.00 [The phone was for $74.99]

Message to seller: warning!!!!!!!!! I may decide I don't want this phone! Can you extend the time of when it delays? If I do decide I want one I may not have the money at that time but, I could get it soon.


Really?

Really?!??

If you don't have the money, don't bid. I understand shit happens (hell, I've personally had to retract offers on eBay 'cause I was broke) but stating up front that you might not have the money/want the phone? Even if they would have made a reasonable offer, we would have declined it based on the note alone.

What a dope.

Wont Refund? I'm Calling My Loyer!

Subject: Order [number removed] : refund

Sir,, if you guys wont refund my money then send me a cellphone that work with MMS
or my loyer will contact you directly. thank in Advance

******

I was ROFLMAO when I got this one.

This customer bought an unlocked phone. Unlocked phones (not being specific to a carrier) usually have to be programmed with internet and MMS (multimedia messaging service) settings, as those are not stored on the SIM when you switch phones.

The customer could have done this to find that out.

But I digress. How may emails have I ranted about the settings issue already??!??

I was more annoyed about the misspelling of 'lawyer' than I was about the settings issue...

The settings issue is old hat, after all.

Thank in advance! :P

Halp! or, "I Should Go to the Vet Instead"

In the 2+ years I've been working at my company, I've heard all sorts of excuses as to why people are buying a used/refurbed phone from us.

• Fell in the pool/toilet/other water accidents. This seems to be the top category, especially in the summer. I've heard old men speak of rocky boats on fishing trips, new mothers and baby baths and (of course) being drunkenly thrown into pools with all of their clothes on (I've heard that twice!)
• Children. #2 reason.... sometimes involved with the above reason too. Children are so destructive! They lose/break their cell phones and expect mommy and daddy to produce a new one like yesterday 'cause they would die without being able to text and keep up with whatever young people do (quote from a customer). 
• Theft. A lot of people have their phones stolen; I had one customer claim her phone was stolen by a security guard at a mall (?!?), plenty from lockers at work and school, and some car break-ins. 

But here's a new one (for me, at least):

Subject: no new contract, replace phone, How?

dog ate phone. need a phone that works with existing contract. What do I have to do?

....

My first thought: why are you worrying about a new phone when you should be at the vet getting the phone out of the dog??!?? The battery could explode in his poor tummy...

I really hope this customer was lying.

Umm No, That's Not Us #1

Every once in a while (for whatever reason), we get emails and phone calls from people who think we're phone companies... I usually get Sprint or Verizon. It never fails to irk me... how dumb can you be that you cannot see the webpage you got the number from doesn't say whatever phone service you're looking for? Furthermore, don't you have your company's number?? Most companies give you a shortened number you can call for free from your handset (e.g T-mob's is 611) or you can get their toll-free number from your bill.

With this in mind, here is the first in a series:


Subject: urgent
To whom  it may concern  dear  t mobile  people  my phone# is XXX-XXX-XXXX give me
reason why my service been cut off [STUPID CUSTOMER]

Really?

Now, if your service is cut off, I can sort of understand why you might try to email. BUT keeping in mind that you can call your carrier for free whether or not your service is active undermines that.

Einstein was right... there really is no overestimating human stupidity.