Crazy A$$ Returns #1

This was a return I received last year. I don't manually process returns like I used to (they finally realized I didn't have the time to do so anymore...) I just paper push 'em now ;)

Back in the day (luckily for you!) I took pictures of returns wrapped up/shipped in odd things.

This return isn't quite of of those.

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words. I have two pictures.

...Yeah.

We require the RMA # to be written on the box the phones are SHIPPED BACK TO US IN, not on the box the phone's in. This happens all the time (as people misunderstand it... I thought it was self explanatory. Heh. I should have known better) but this one... really? I had to take a picture of it... and I'm so glad I did, now ^__^

Enjoy, and have a good weekend!

What's the Difference?

Customer: I need to return a phone I just received.
Me: No problem. What is the issue you're having with the item?
Customer: The memory card don't fit.
me: Oh? Hmm. What model phone do you have?
Customer: The Moto KRZR for AT&T. {It was really unlocked for all GSM carriers, but that is neither here nor there...}
Me: Well, the phone uses a Micro SD card; if you try to use a regular size SD card, it won't fit because-----
Customer [cuts me off]: But AT&T said all memory cards were the same size! The manual says the memory card slot is on the side, but the card won't fit! I can't get service without the card fitting, so I need to return the phone.
Me: ...wait a minute. Do you mean the SIM card, ma'am?
Customer: SIM card, memory card; what's the difference?
Me:.... There are several. The SIM card is the life of the phone, and the memory card is to store information like pictures and ringtones. It's also bigger than the memory card this phone uses. If you try to put the SIM in the memory card slot, it won't fit.
Customer [pauses]: Ohhh, ok. So where does this SIM card go?
Me: The manual will tell you exactly where, but it has a designated slot in the back of the phone, in the battery compartment.
Customer: I knew I should have had my husband do this for me. Thanks! [hangs up]
Me: *head desk*

Corruption of Minors and Other Atrocities of the Cell Phone Biz

This is an oldie but goody. We're only open half a day on Fridays, so I usually don't get so many crazy customers. I was looking through emails I'd saved, and came across this one, and knew I had to put this one up! XD Happy Friday!

*****************************

Dear (company name),

Please send the shipping paperwork to ship this phone back. I am upset and distraught about the condition the item was received it. It works fine and all, but there is PORN on it!!!!! On the home screen when you turn on the phone is a naked woman in a provocative position. and there is marijuana pictures; I mean pictures of pot on a table all cut up, people smoking it, etc!!! Unacceptable. As a christian I am highly offended by this images. this item was for my 14 year old son. I’m glad I checked it before I gave it to him!!!!!! How can you sell your phones like this; don;t you people clean them out>??? Please replay asap or I will report you to the bbb and child services for corruption of minors.

Angry Crazy Customer

What's My Name Again?

Customer: I want to confirm my order went through last night.
Me: OK, so you don't have an order number, correct?
Customer: yes, that's right.
Me: Alright, what's your name sir?
Customer: Kelly

[I waited for the rest of the name for like 10 seconds]

Me: ...OK, what's your last name?
Customer: Kelly
Me:...err, what's your first name?
Customer: Kelly, uh, Martin

[I look up the name in my system; no hits]

Me: Sir, there are no customers with your name in my system... how do you spell your last name?
Customer: K-E-L-L-E-Y
Me: Ohh, OK, let me see...


[I look up the revised name, still no hits.]

Me: Customer, are you certain you purchased this from [my company's name]?
Customer: [pauses] Isn't this [says another website]
Me: No sir, this is [my company's name]
Customer: Oh. [hangs up]

I wish I made these things up :/

Why My Order Was Denied??

 Juuust got this one in this morning!


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Subject: why my order was denied

Just curious as to why my order was denied. The funds are there i would really like
an explanation. Thank you

******************************

Here's the response I wish I could write:

Dear Customer:

Your payment was denied because you're a broke motherfucker. Seeing that this is the case, I can understand why you would want to purchase a used/refurbished phone from my company.

In my humble opinion, I am GLAD your order was denied. You seem like one of those really annoying customers who will end up emailing after you get your phone asking me how to use it, or why your SIM card doesn't fit when you ordered a Verizon phone (!).

So! This worked out for the better, I assure you.

When you get some money, I suggest hiking out to whomever your service provider is and getting a "free" phone from them and getting locked into a two year contract so I (hopefully) never have to see you order from us again.

Thanks!

Deena

I'm a Lazy Shit. Can You Put My Order Through?

Customer: How do you place an order online?
Me: You go to the website, select the phone you want to purchase---
Customer: I’m too lazy; can I order over the phone with you?
Me: ...Yeah.

Seriously? How much energy does it take to do a couple of clicks? >__<

The Highest Praise, the Finest Women/Men

This little gem isn't stupid per se, but it is pretty funny!

Backstory: They emailed to ask about getting a user guide. I directed them to one online.

*****************************

Re: FEEDBACK: Order [order number removed]: owners manual

Thank you so much! You are indeed a gentelman/lady, a scholar, a person of high repute, well renowned in the community as a leader, a judge
of good liquor and fine women/men.

Regards,

[customer name removed]

No Sex in Your (Email)?

This series of emails was the inspiration for this blog.

They had me and my co-worker crying with laughter. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as we did.

(Please note that the original spelling/capitalization/grammar/syntax was kept unless clarification was truly needed.But hell, these imperfections add to the hilarity, so I didn't change a thing in this one :P)

**************

Subject: Brought same phone 3 times

Greetings

 Feb 24th 2010 I went on line and ordered a Blackberry 8130 Pearl. i TRIED TO ORDER ON MY CHECKING ACCOUNT GOT SWITCHED TO pAYPAL AND DID NOT GET A CONFIRMATION # SO WENT TO MY CHECKING ACCOUNT NO CONFIRMATION # THEN GOOGLE GAVE ME ONE. THIS 6 am I found a $25.00 on my checking account. Now I have paid out $444.00 for the same phone. So  I tried to call your customer service number a number of times #2 #5 # 0 and was  told to  leave a message. Well no responce. So If let this go and return 2 phones it is a restocking fee of $100.60.

This error came about on the internet not be able to get a confirmation number and  I can not reach anyone in customer service. No one on the phones---Are you still in business?. I am going to call the bank and let them know and see what  help that do to help me and try that way. Then I have to talk to my Verzon and see if they can help me. Needless to say with no one taking of this problem is bad customer relations on your part by not answering the phone. Nor do you have an answering phone that will accept and give confirmation that your even concerned to learn of my problem.

 My cart shows one phone not three. However there may be three different carts

 Thank you

**********

Mind you, this email was sent on a SUNDAY, when our office hours are clearly stated (we’re open mon-fri and close early on Fridays) in the automated system when you call in (not to mention our restocking fee is 20%, so it wouldn't have been that much at all...). Luckily, we saw the triple order and had out two of them on hold. After reading this email, I canceled two of them and replied back:

Subject: Re: Brought same phone 3 times

Dear Customer:

The extra two orders were already canceled and refunded.

Thank you,
Customer Service

Then I get this gem of a reply within 10 minutes of replying:

GREETINGS

 This has all been computer generated and seems that all is going to work itself out.  However you have a phone service which I called several times.  This is like making love with no kissing or forplay.  Really very upsetting to call in on several numbers and get no response and the problem all came about when I could not get confirmation regarding my ordering on the internet.  If you phone works for anytime at all and all is well you will benefit a great deal from me.  However do get a better way of answering your phone service.  Like thank you ever so much for calling and do trust us and our system for we have cut down on amount of employee's and use the generated automatic systems of email etc to better serve you.  Cutting down our overhead allows us to give you our customer a better price and quality product.  Thank you for your patience and please continue to trust us and our quality service.

 No more of this sexual type way of doing business without the kissing and foreplay.

 Thanks again and may God continue to bless your electronics

Just a Human Being

Crazy Ass Customer

FYI will let you know how this service works out [company name edited].  Brought a phone on the internet and found that my bank account was down $444.00 for a $139.99 purchase.  Phone is needed for my job duties and WOW what an experience.  However if this all works out I will give this company an excellent rating and recommendation.  Thanks everyone and have a great day and my God continue to bless you human being friends around the world.

 ******

There were no words for this one…. Just laughter XD